It’s that time of year again…thoughts of sharing the warm sunshine and new blossoms with someone you love…but if you’re single, how do you find that person? Online dating is an option that can really expand your options–and can also bring you major headaches, unless you screen carefully. Here are two critieria I think are vital:
1–Good boundaries! Does the person disclose too much personal information before you’ve even met in person? Or do they reveal absolutely nothing about themselves? Either extreme can be a problem. TMI often signals too many problems, and too much secrecy suggests paranoia. Remember that, at best, you’re communicating with a friendly stranger, and save the more personal information for face-to-face contact. At the same time, don’t withhold general information that anyone would want to know, like what kind of work you do, what are your general interests and social activities.
2- Personal responsibility! Listen carefully to how people handle adversity. Do they blame others for everything? Or themselves? A balance is good! Blaming others is not an attractive quality, and you’re likely to be the next target. On the other hand, abject shame and self-blame isn’t very appealing either. So pay attention to how people assign responsibility, and imagine how you’d feel in that situation.
Those are two issues that seem to show up rather quickly, even in on-line communication. Have you noticed others? Let me know!