During a workshop about ways to intentionally create sexual desire, the usual question comes up: If it doesn’t come naturally, why should I have to work at it?
Here’s why–if you wait for sexual feelings to come up spontaneously, they probably won’t come up at all. “Spontaneous desire” is really a myth. You worked at creating desire when you were dating–planning every detail, trying to look your best, acting attentive and available. So unless you’re prepared for a life without sex, it’s in your best interest to keep that “dating” mentality. Keep setting aside time, making an effort, putting your best foot forward. Research shows that you’ll be happier with your partner if you sustain sexual intimacy. You may even enjoy knowing you can take charge of your sexual feelings, instead of floating along waiting to catch a fast current. The choice is simple: intentional sex, or no sex at all.